What Questions to Ask When Choosing a Private School

The most useful questions on a school visit are the ones a school does not expect. Instead of asking about facilities, results or university destinations, ask about how the school handles children who are struggling, how it supports children who are ahead, how it deals with friendship difficulties, and what happens on the ordinary Tuesday afternoon when no visitors are around. Real answers to these questions reveal more than any prospectus.

This is a supporting article within our pillar guide to how to choose the right private school.

Why the standard questions fail

Most parents ask predictable questions on a school visit: exam results, class sizes, sports facilities, university offers. Schools have polished answers ready for all of them. This is fine, but it tells you very little about how the school actually feels, or how it would treat your particular child. The questions that reveal more are the ones that cannot be answered by the marketing team.

Questions about your child specifically

The most revealing questions are the ones that ask the school to think about a child like yours. Try:

1. "My son is quiet, thoughtful and struggles a little with confidence in class. What would his experience of your school actually look like?"
2. "My daughter is academically strong but socially sensitive. How would you help her find her place here?"
3. "My child has a learning difference (dyslexia, ADHD, etc.). What does support genuinely look like in practice?"

A strong school will answer specifically. A weak school will retreat into general statements about pastoral care.

Questions about pastoral care

How the school responds when things go wrong tells you more than how it celebrates when things go right. Ask:

1. "How would I know if my child were struggling here?"
2. "What is your process when a child comes to their tutor with a friendship difficulty?"
3. "How do you handle mental health concerns, and at what point would you involve me?"
4. "What do you do when a pupil is being unkind to another pupil?"

Vague answers are a warning sign. A strong school has specific processes, specific people, and specific examples.

Questions about academic support

Academic questions should go beyond "what do you teach?":

1. "How do you support a child who is falling behind in a particular subject?"
2. "How do you stretch a child who is comfortably ahead of the class?"
3. "How much homework is realistic, and how do you handle a child who is struggling to keep up with it?"
4. "How do you handle a child who is highly able in one area and struggling in another?"

Questions about culture

School culture is set as much by the pupils as by the staff. Ask:

1. "What are your pupils genuinely proud of about this school?"
2. "What do parents most often say they wish they had known before their child started here?"
3. "What kind of child does not thrive here — and how do you help those families identify that early?"

The last question is particularly telling. Weak schools will say every child thrives. Honest schools will admit that some children are a better fit than others, and will explain how they support families in making that call.

Questions about the day-to-day

Ask about the ordinary rhythm of school life:

1. "What does a typical Tuesday afternoon look like for a Year 9 pupil?"
2. "How much unstructured time do pupils have, and what do they do with it?"
3. "How do lunches work — where do pupils sit, and with whom?"
4. "What time does prep or homework typically end?"

These questions reveal what school life actually feels like, not just what the school brochure claims.

Questions to ask pupils, not staff

Whenever possible, speak to current pupils. They provide the most honest picture. Ask:

1. "What surprised you most when you started here?"
2. "If you could change one thing about the school, what would it be?"
3. "What is a bad day at this school like?"
4. "Would you send your own younger sibling here?"

Questions about the family experience

Parents are part of the school community too. Ask:

1. "How often will I hear from the school, and about what?"
2. "What are the expectations of parents — participation, attendance, involvement?"
3. "How do you handle a parent who is worried about their child?"

Questions about the future

Finally, look ahead:

1. "Where do pupils typically go from here — and are you honest about the range, not just the top destinations?"
2. "How do you prepare pupils for the transition to sixth form, or from prep to senior school?"
3. "What proportion of pupils leave before the end of their intended stay, and why?"

The last question is uncomfortable but revealing. A school that answers it honestly and specifically has genuine confidence in its offering.

Red flags in the answers

Beyond specific questions, listen for signals in the answers:

• Marketing language rather than specific examples.
• Statements that no child ever struggles or leaves unhappy.
• Deflection or vagueness on pastoral or academic support processes.
• Answers that describe the school's aspirations rather than its current reality.
• Impatience or discomfort when asked about difficulties or challenges.

Final thought

The right school will welcome specific, thoughtful questions. It will answer them honestly, with concrete examples, and without defensiveness. The wrong school will give you the same polished script every visitor hears. The questions themselves matter less than the quality of the answers you receive.

My Top Schools helps parents find the right school for their child — with clear profiles, honest information, and search filters built around what really matters. Start your search.

Related reading

• How to choose the right private school — The full pillar guide.
• What to look for on a school open day — How to observe as well as ask.
• What makes a school the right fit — How to identify genuine fit.