Boarding vs Day School: How to Choose the Right Option for Your Child
By Annabel Dunstan
SUMMARY
Boarding school or day school? If you’re a parent applying to independent schools in the UK, this is something you will have to decide. Should we be prioritising schools that are close enough to commute to, or is it better to cast the net wider and look further afield? Are the same opportunities offered at boarding schools and day schools? Is it true that if your child boards, you hardly ever get to see them? If these are the kinds of questions you’ve been asking yourself, then this article is for you. We give a fair and honest comparison of the boarding and day experiences, laying out the benefits and drawbacks of each route, and explaining what each would look like for your child. We also explain what each option would entail for you as a parent – because whilst the child’s needs should always be at the heart of your school choice, this particular decision of boarding vs day has a direct impact on the parent experience too! With expert insight from Tom Rogerson (Headmaster, Cottesmore School), you can be equipped to choose the kind of school that best suits both your child and you.
Why might you choose a day education for your child?
The first answer is very straightforward: day schools can be excellent schools. It’s tempting to imagine that the day experience is automatically substandard in comparison to boarding – boarding is the full works, why would we settle for less? And isn’t it a bit of a copout to just apply to a nearby day school rather than venturing further afield? But these generalisations are dangerous and untrue. There are top schools and average schools in both categories, and it’s wise to look at every school individually for what it offers before discounting it. If you have the good fortune to live within commuting distance of an excellent day school, then you should consider it a viable option. Many day schools provide outstanding provision, academically, pastorally, and beyond the curriculum, and there’s no shame in applying locally if it offers what your child needs. Exactly what constitutes a ‘commutable distance’ is up to you – our only advice is to bear the travel burden in mind. Your child will have to make the journey there and back every day, and if that means spending hours on a bus, or having to set a crack-of-dawn alarm to make the train, ask yourself whether it’s definitely worth the effort.
Home - School Balance for Day Pupils
One obvious advantage of day education is the clearer separation between school and home. When the school day ends, your child gets to come home; they have a balance between school life and home life, and their evenings and weekends can be spent with family. Many argue that the boarding experience – living fully away – gives children greater independence than if they come home every day, but there’s a strong counterargument that the children who spend evenings and weekends away from the school site have more freedom to explore different spaces and activities without the constraints of what is provided by the school. Consider what would suit your child: are they someone who recharges at home in their own space, or would living at school excite them? Would they benefit from school-led structure throughout the afternoons and evenings, or do they need that release?
As Tom Rogerson (Headmaster, Cottesmore School) emphasises:
“A great day school on your doorstep can be a wonderful thing. If it gives your child academic stretch, strong pastoral care and the breadth of sport, creative outlets, music, drama and service that builds character, then that daily return to family life can be exactly the rhythm they need.”
The Parent Experience in Day Schooling
As a parent, the day school setup means that you get to see your child more. This is a very emotionally compelling argument in favour of day schooling – none of us are ready for our children to grow up and fledge the nest, and to fast-track that process by sending them to boarding school feels huge. But seeing your child every day also has advantages beyond the sentimental: it allows for a balance of input from both teachers and parents, giving your child a breadth of adult influence whilst still ensuring that you have a say in how they are raised. This arrangement also means that as a parent, you have a strong and consistent connection with both your child’s wellbeing and their academic progress (assuming you provide it). It can be harder to stay completely in the loop when they are away for longer stretches. All this said, you’ll have to take care to make the right choice for your child’s needs as well as your parental desires – as difficult as it can be to loosen the reins, some children really flourish without daily oversight from their parents, and for some parents, even with all the right intentions, other pressures mean they are unable to be as present for their children as they would wish. Only you can know what will be the best arrangement for your family.
Logistics and Daily Commitments
It’s worth noting that choosing a day school for your child means committing to certain logistics. You’ll need to have a clear plan for drop-off and pick-up every morning and afternoon, which might well mean driving back and forth to take your child to school and collect them again. Is this something you’re prepared to do daily? Are the timings feasible alongside your work schedule? There are other responsibilities too, from helping your daughter organise her belongings to helping your son with his geography homework, from making the packed lunches to washing the PE kits. All these would be covered by boarding school staff, so if you’re going day, you’ll need to be prepared to sacrifice time and effort to facilitate it. Day school is often a cheaper route than boarding school, but what you gain financially you may lose logistically and administratively. Carefully consider what you would prefer.
When Boarding Becomes the Better Fit
So what if there aren’t any day schools near you that offer what you want for your child? Perhaps you’re after a particular specialism, whether it’s music and arts or SEND provision, and the best places are much further away from your base. Perhaps you live internationally, but you’re looking for a UK independent education. That’s where boarding comes in. Boarding is a popular and worthwhile choice for parents who want to find the best fit without worrying about location constraints. As Tom Rogerson agrees:
“Boarding opens up a world of choice. If what you want is not available locally, boarding lets you choose the school that fits the child rather than the postcode.”
Modern Boarding: Myth vs Reality
Before we look more closely at the advantages and drawbacks of boarding, we have a myth to dispel. When we hear ‘boarding school’, many of us will visualise dormitories of thirty with lumpy mattresses and no heating, patrolled by a harsh matron with strict rules and a distaste for children. We’ve read the books, we’ve heard the tales. Well, it’s very important to know that this is no longer the picture of boarding schools. Although every school will vary slightly in its provision, they are nowadays generally kitted out with pleasant, comfortable, boarding facilities, including common room spaces for relaxation and games.
Moreover, a top boarding school is a real home from home: the all-encompassing nature of the boarding environment fosters a tight-knit community of friends, and means that your child will be well-known by the staff even outside of lesson time. Care and support is round the clock, and boarding schools understand the stakes – children living away from home for the first time will naturally encounter challenges, from friendship troubles to homesickness, and resident staff are experts in dealing with these difficulties. Of course, you should never assume that a school will have excellent pastoral care simply by virtue of being a boarding school; assess each school carefully when you visit to make sure it’s a place where your child will be happy.
Tom Rogerson concurs:
“Boarding has moved on in the last forty years - the warm, familial, modern settings are places rich with broad learning and character development opportunities. You can doubtless foster independence in a day setting with the right culture and expectations, just as you can offer deep warmth and security in boarding through excellent pastoral systems and a home from home house team.”
Boarding Advantages: Facilities and Academic Support
One real advantage of the student experience at boarding school is the constant access to staff and high-level facilities, and ability to grow up in some truly outstanding environments. Firstly, academic support doesn’t stop when the lessons end: your daughter could be revising for a French test before going to dinner, or your son could be writing his personal statement at 8pm, and there would be teachers and tutors on duty to help. In addition, living onsite gives your child greater access to school facilities outside of working hours – spaces from the library and the media suite to the swimming pool and the music practice rooms are likely to be open in the evenings and at weekends. Similarly, timetabled extra-curricular activities aren’t limited to lunch break or the hour after lessons: there could be choir rehearsals after dinner, or hockey training on a Saturday. The extended hours and flexibility afforded by the boarding system mean that boarding schools often have wider and more comprehensive extra-curricular provision than day schools.
Independence and Personal Growth in Boarding
Another popular argument in favour of boarding is that living away can develop your child’s independence. Living constantly amongst their peers and operating in shared spaces means that children quickly develop important social and organisational skills. They are able to spend more time with their friends in person, rather than via device too! The immersive lifestyle is undoubtedly good preparation for university living (and beyond!).
However, it’s too black-and-white to say that the boarding experience fosters complete independence and the day experience does not: whilst boarding school life does in many ways grow maturity, it is still highly managed and timetabled. There will be set times of day at which to do homework, go to the boarding house, eat dinner, be in bed – and children are vigilantly supervised by staff. Boarders do not have to organise their own afternoon and evening routine before parents return home from work, as a day pupil may have to do. Consider what would best suit your child’s needs.
Tom Rogerson explains that
“The best boarding schools educate the whole person because the learning day does not end at 4pm. Children practise independence in small, everyday ways, learn to live well with others, and grow resilience through strong routines, shared challenge and being known properly by staff who see them in classrooms, on pitches and in the boarding house. UK boarding schools specialise in self-actualisation – the finding of one’s own flow, one’s passion and one’s feet. You learn to appreciate and find your own talents, as well as acknowledge the talents of those around you - you learn to understand that life is symbiosis and success is earned together.”
Cost, Commitment and Emotional Considerations
What about the money? Perhaps the biggest drawback of boarding is that it is significantly more expensive than day options. There’s no getting away from that fact, but if the best-fitting school is far away, or your work commitments prevent you from being able to support day school logistics, then it could really be worth it. Many parents also feel that the greatest difficulty in choosing boarding is the detachment from your children – this is a valid concern, and many parents end up deciding, reasonably, that they would rather see their children more. But if you do opt for a boarding school, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for sending your child away! Many children love living away, and boarding does not equal abandonment. In this digital age, it’s easy to keep in touch through messages and calls, and it’s also worth noting that many schools offer flexible boarding options, from full boarding to only weekdays to just a selection of days. There will be an arrangement that works for you.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- Logistics are really important – whether you and your child can manage commuting to your top choice might need to be the deciding factor on boarding vs day.
- Think of your child’s character and needs – will they thrive in a fully immersive, socially independent environment, or will they benefit more from the rhythm of returning home to family?
- There’s no objectively right choice – boarding and day are both wonderful options if they offer the right thing for your family.